Positive Lesbian Jokes
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: Hope you get a chuckle out of this...


I do own these and have in fact published them. If you enjoy them the book "Lesbian Jokes of a Positive Nature" is available on Amazon and I encourage you to buy it and my other books, otherwise I will not be able to afford to continue bringing you this level of entertainment.

Positive Lesbian Jokes

Clayton Overstreet (C.D. Overstreet)

Q: What do you get when you cross a frog and a lesbian?

A: A woman who can satisfy her girlfriend from across the room.

000

Confucius says: When two women hot oil wrestle, both will get licked.

000

A blond is sitting at a bar when a gorgeous redhead comes up and says, "Will you come to my place and make love to me and my identical twin sister?"

The blond said, "That depends. What does your sister look like?"

000

At a gay rights rally someone asked a blond, "What are your thoughts on lesbian's rights?"

She answered, "I think they look at least as good from the left."

000

The youngest member of a family of doctors and a cardiologist came out to them that she had given her heart to another woman. Her grandmother the allergist thought she should scratch the whole thing and her husband the dermatologist said he thought it was a rash decision. Her father, the gastroenterologist, was not surprised at all and said he always had a deep down gut feeling about it. Her other grandfather, the surgeon, washed his hands of the whole thing while her other grandmother the psychologist thought she had gone mad. Her mother the urologist was pissed that she had kept this from her, but her twin sister the anesthesiologist calmed them all down. Her girlfriend was an optometrist and had seen all of this coming. They had told her mother the pathologist the day before who had said, "Over my dead body!" That was before her father the pediatrician had told her, "Oh, grow up! She's an adult and it's none of our business." Finally her sister the obstetrician explained that they were all laboring under some false conceptions and with the help of her husband the proctologist everything worked out okay in the end.

000

Lesbians love Christmas trees. They wear a skirt and have something they want very badly underneath that they get to play with first thing in the morning. Plus there's foreplay involving red stockings.

000

Wife to husband: I'd love a second honeymoon dear. It's just what I've always wanted.

Your sister and I will send you a post card as soon as we get to the hotel.

000

One day at a bar a woman sees another woman who is only three feet tall, but who has gigantic breasts. The little woman asks

her, "What are you looking at? Are you a lesbian?"

She says, "No! I'm not gay. Actually lesbians creep me out. I'm just impressed. Those tits of yours are amazing. I wish mine were that big." She motions to the A-cups under her top. "I don't get that many guys with these little things."

The little woman says, "Well, that's because I'm a leprechaun. We all look like this. If you come to bed with me though, I will grant your wish and with tits like these

you'll be able to get all the men you want."

The woman bites her lip, thinking it over. Finally she says yes and the two go to a nearby hotel. The woman is a little creeped out at first just like she said, but soon finds that it is not so bad and to her surprise after a while she really enjoys it.

"You didn't cast a spell on me to make you me like having sex with you, did you?"

"Of course not! I can't believe you'd think something that dumb."

"Sorry."

"That's okay. I guess I shouldn't be surprised you believe in magic spells if you're dumb enough to believe in leprechauns."

000

 **Q:** Is there really such a thing as a lesbian cow?

 **A:** Sure there is. It's udderly true. No bull.

000

A man who went on a trip to sleep with his mistress calls

home to talk to his wife. "What are you doing?"

"I'm lying here in bed," she says. "How is your sister?"

"Still not feeling well. I probably will not be

back for a couple more days."

"That's fine. I'm sure I can find something to keep me busy."

"That's great. Love you." Feeling smug that his wife is home alone while he's getting laid he hangs up the phone.

When the wife put her phone down the woman curled up in bed

with her says, "Who was that, darling?"

With a smirk she says, "Your dumbass brother."

000

 **Woman:** You should have seen the look on my

husband's face when we were having sex last night.

He got this look of rage in his eyes like I've never seen before.

 **Other Woman:** I can only imagine what that looked like.

 **Woman:** Well your back was to the window.

000

 **Girl:** Mom, is it okay if I become a lesbian when I grow up?

 **Mother:** No! I am not going to let you turn me into one of those moms who lives her dreams vicariously through her children.

000

 _Rose's is red,_

 _Violet's is blue,_

 _Because Violet likes to lick,_

 _But Rose likes to chew._

000

 _The quietly queefing queen queefed quietly._

 **Say that 5 times fast**

000

Q: In the Old West, how did Native American lesbians find a date?

A: They would send out a girl scout.

000

 **Peter Pan:** Tiger Lily, do you want to do something with me tonight?

 **Tiger Lily:** Sorry Peter, but Tinkerbell, the mermaids, and I are eating out tonight.

 **Peter:** Oh? What are you eating?

 **Tiger Lily:** We're having Wendy's.

000

A blond got married and had a daughter.

One day she walked in on her daughter having sex with a girl on the sofa. Later she caught her and another girl doing it on the dryer in the laundry room. She once caught a glimpse of her making love to the neighbor lady through her bedroom window.

Still another time she found her daughter and her teacher screwing in the back seat of the car.

Finally she sat down with her daughter and said, "Dear, if you don't stop having sex with all these women, people are going to start to think you're gay!"

000

A lesbian police officer was partnered with a guy who would not take "No" for an answer. Day in and day out he harassed her until she was driven out of her mind. One day he slid his hand down her pants and said, "Let's make our relationship rated R.

I'd love to go down on you."

That was the last straw. "Fine," she said and pulled out her gun.

She took careful aim and shot him three times in the shoulder. As he fell back into his seat screaming she picked up her radio

and said, "Officer down."

Thanks to her body camera, she was given a medal.

000

Did you hear about the lesbian who was into furry role-playing?

Her girlfriend says she's an animal in bed.

000

 **Awkward Lesbian Parenting Moment #24: Tijuana Jail Cell**

Sarah looked through the bars at her mothers and said, "Okay first of all technically I didn't do anything wrong. Everything I did is completely legal here including that girl. I just got hauled in when they pulled in the crowd after the fire started."

Karen said, "Next year you are going to spend Spring Break at a Buddhist monastery."

000

No! I said, "She's a _thespian_ that _comes_

from her home _count_ ry of _Libya_!"

000

Men are just as good in bed as women.

(Feel free to laugh out loud.)

000

Knock-knock

Who's there?

Your lesbian lover.

My lesbian lover who?

Ah, sobered up have we?

000

You mother warned you about lesbians?

How did she know?

000

Ew! Straight people kissing! Yuck!

000

 **Daughter:** Mom!

 **Mother:** What?

 **Daughter:** Not you! My other mom! The cool one!

000

So the blond girl said to the redheaded woman, "Are you sure we should be doing this? I'm not wearing a condom."

Rolling her eyes the redhead reached into her purse and

handed the blond a dental dam. "Use this."

The blond unfolded it and then said, "Well that's nice. None of the guys I've been with ever gave me one of these before." She tucked it under her chin and across her breasts like a bib. "When I think of all the dresses I've ruined…"

000

Mom I swear, I've never even kissed a boy.

000

I can't go into a gay bar!

What if someone I know sees me in there?

They'll know I'm a lesbian!

000

 **Roller Derby Chicks:** Meals On Wheels

000

 **Epiphany:** A sudden life changing realization.

 **Example:** Girls can _do_ that?!

000

 **Girl:** Dad, I'm gay.

 **Dad:** Damn it all to hell!

 **Girl:** I thought you'd support me!

 **Dad:** I will, honey. It's just that now I owe your mother $50!

000

 **God:** Should I tell them that I've just I just created homosexuals? Maybe put a chapter in the bible about exactly what they are, why I did it, and their key place in the plan to bring all mankind to true spiritual enlightenment?

Nah, I'm sure they'll figure it out.

They aren't morons after all.

000

 **Homophobic Woman:** If you just try having sex with men

you will definitely turn straight!

 **Lesbian:** Are you crazy?

What do you think turned me gay in the first place?

000

Lesbian our best behavior while we're in public.

000

 **Q:** Are you pro gay?

 **A:** No! I wouldn't dream of charging!

000

Two beautiful blonds went to the doctor and told him that they had been trying to get pregnant. He asked, "Which fertility clinic did you go to?

Or did you ask a man to get you pregnant?"

They shook their heads and one said, "Neither. We're gay."

The other said, "So every night we've been covering each other from head to toe in baby oil before we have sex."

"But we're still not pregnant!"

000

 **Father:** Can you give me a good reason why

I caught you in bed with another girl?

 **Daughter:** You didn't knock.

000

Again for more of these "Lesbian Jokes of a Positive Nature" is available on Amazon along with "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" and "The Lesbian MILF Seduction Manual".


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